Today finds the twerps... hungry!
Walking through a small village, all their bellies are grumbling (for some reason Dawn thrusts her hands over her crotch when hers does this) and Brock comes up with the brilliant idea of actually stopping somewhere to get something to eat.
Up ahead they spot a Marill stuck in the tiny crack between two buildings, and Pikachu and Piplup try to haul it out. It gets upset (as you would expect) as they tug and haul on it, and it lets loose with a blast of water to free itself. A slender, quirkily fashionable young girl comes up and introduces herself as the Marill's trainer, recalling it to its Pokeball without even checking its condition. Her name is Lyra, and as Brock just stands STARING at her, the others introduce themselves and she checks out Piplup with her odd, bulky white Pokedex. Dawn asks her about the Pokedex and she explains that it is a Johto Pokedex, and asks a surprised Ash if he has heard of Johto before.
He spent three of the longest years of his forever 10 years old life there!
She tells them there is a Johto Festival in town and asks them to come with her, calling Dawn "Dane" in the process. Oh dear, she's a nice enough girl but a little ditzy, her brain is....
Lyra takes them to the village centre where a ring of stalls has been set up. A ringing sound normally absent from the show catches their attention, and Lyra removes a clunky pink cellphone which she identifies as Pokegear - a phone/map and "everything" built right in. The phone (a video phone) reveals a weedy looking boy with terrible, terrible hair who asks where she is. She laughs him off, tells him she'll be back soon and hangs up on him, which would offend him if he wasn't so obviously such a sad sack of desperation who will cling desperately to any attention she might give him.
On a large screen set up in the middle of the Festival, Lyra appears to talk to people about Johto. Apparently Lyra is part of a travelling festival that promotes tourism to Johto, the place where time takes forever and nothing gets done. As TV Lyra shows off the various cities and attractions of Johto (including KIMONO GIRLS! which catches Brock's attention), real Lyra takes the twerps walking around, heading to a Milk Stall run by a tall man and his weedy son (who appeared on the Poke Gear Phone Screen earlier) who obviously doesn't get much milk himself. His name is Khoury, which by a remarkable coincidence sounds exactly like Cory or Corey or Kory, but is spelt ENTIRELY different because of a situation I can't tell you what the situation is don't ask me what the situation was.
A Totodile catches Dawn's attention, but when Pikachu and Piplup try to say hello is blanks them, quite unlike the normal Totodile way. Khoury tells them that it hasn't been eating the food he makes for it either, and Brock takes a nibble and decides it is too sweet, and sets to making some proper goddamn food.
Sprinkling some berry powder over the food, Totodile takes a sniff and then begins gobbling down with the manic delight we've come to expect from Totodiles. Khoury thanks Brock, Lyra claims credit by pointing out that SHE bought the twerps there, and Brock just out of nowhere declares he wants to be the best breeder ever!
<snicker>
Khoury's Dad (Dad is spelt Dad, not Dahhyd) brings over some Moo-Moo Milk Ice Cream (only three cones, apparently Khoury and Lyra don't rate) and in a surprisingly accurate but unnecessary acknowledgement of character, Ash takes a big mouthful of ice-cream directly from the top of the cone because he's a dumb boy, while Dawn takes a more dainty lick of the tip (GETCHA MINDS OUTTA DA GUTTA!).
They make the mistake of telling the twerps the Festival is full of free samples which sets off Ash in a rage of freeloading joy, and Lyra introduces the twerps to Khoury and his Dad, getting Dawn's name wrong again. She tells Ash she is going through the Johto Gyms collecting badges and has two so far, and Ash is diplomatic enough (or too stupid to remember) not to mention he already got all eight as he explains he is going through the Sinnoh Gyms and has 7 badges so far. Lyra AGAIN calls Dawn "Dane" as she asks about her, and learns that Dawn is a coordinator. She explains that Khoury's Dad is in charge of the Festival and that you COULD at a stretch MAYBE call Khoury a Breeder (haha, burn!) and then Totodile leaps up onto Khoury's shoulder with excited yammering, and he reminds Lyra that the show SHE is running is about to start!
Meanwhile, James is chugging the white stuff down while holding tight to the cone between his legs!
Jesse has a brilliant (read: TERRIBLE!) idea, but before we can learn what it is, we return to Lyra presenting an exhibition of Johto Pokémon. She calls out Chikorita at first as an example of one of Johto's Starter Pokémon, and then asks "you with the Piplup" to come up for an exhibition battle. It's Dawn of course, and she nervously heads onto the stage with the Piplup until she learns that there is a prize for winning, at which point she just becomes a hardass bitch set on winning!
Khoury's Dad will apparently be acting as Judge, as the "BATTLE OF THE CENTURY" prepares to kick off between a Johto Starter and a Sinnoh Starter Pokémon, it's Chikorita vs Piplup!
Chikorita uses Razor Leaf, smacking Piplup backwards before it returns fire with BubbleBeam, hitting a.... LIGHT SCREEN!!?! How the fuck does a starter Chikorita know that? It is forced back a little though, and Piplup manages to score a hit of Peck before another Bubble Beam hits a hastily constructed second Light Screen. Once again Chikorita is forced back, and then Piplup smashes through Light Screen with Peck and knocks it out - Dawn wins!
Welp, good job showing off Johto Pokémon, Lyra! Everyone's gonna be scrambling for a chance to get Pokémon that can get taken down so easily!
Dawn is presented with her prize, a giant gift-wrapped box (and still called Dane!). She opens it to reveal... an egg! She gets a Johto Pokémon as her prize for beating the fuck out of a Johto Pokémon!
Lyra tells "Dane" she will have to wait to find out what Pokémon it is (it has Cyndaquil colouring, it must be a Totodile!), and then Team Rocket strike! Appearing looming over the village in their beaming Happy Buddha Face Meowth Balloon, they darken the hearts and hopes of the villagers with their chilling appearance!
Well... okay.... maybe not.
Performing a variation on their motto as they chow down on all the food they stole (this was Jesse's plan! Her plan was to successfully steal all of their food and then proclaim it to everyone and just ask for a chance to be defeated!
Performing a milk-filled variation on their normal motto, they're infuriated when Lyra mocks their "slapstick" act, and then Meowth spots Dawn's egg and steals it with a grabbing arm before they sail away on the wind victoriously.... and straight into a tree and get sent blasting off into the forest!
The twerps take off to find the crash site, and Lyra goes charging off after them, hauling to a stop to angry snap at the weedy little wimp Khoury that he is coming with her. Depressed, he sets off after her with very little enthusiasm for his task.
Meanwhile, Jesse is taking a surprisingly positive attitude to their crash, as she continues to gobble down on the festival food while a miserable James and Meowth are left to watch their Bitch Goddess Queen gorge herself on the fruits of their labour.
She moans she couldn't eat another bite (though she has been known to lie) and complains when Meowth points out that they'll still need to be able to eat tomorrow as well, snapping that she wants to live in the eternal now.
She'd love Johto then!
They ponder what could be in the Cyndaquil coloured egg - maybe a non-Cyndaquil coloured Entei or Lugia or Celebi!?!
The remains of their food is knocked over and they turn to see a Teddiursa. Pot-bellied Jesse is furious and snatches the skewered food away from it, which of course causes it to cry which of course brings out the furious rapist that is its father.
They cheese it, the rapist chasing after them in a sexual fury. A short time later, the twerps, Khoury and Lyra arrive at the crash site and wonder where they could be. Lyra snaps at the weedy Khoury to stop being such a dickless wonder, and Brock suggests that he come with him and Ash to search the forest while Dawn and Lyra check the other way.
Meanwhile, Jesse has tripped while running and dropped the egg canister, and James and Meowth jump after it while Jesse continues on running (her pot belly now run off!) and the horny and furious Ursaring unsurprisingly choose HER to continue chasing after.
James and Meowth have retrieved the egg and are walking around calling for Jesse to reveal herself (chance would be a fine thing) when the egg starts glowing inside of its canister. Staraptor spots them and flies to warn Ash, Brock and Khoury who - despite spotting James and Meowth earlier seem to have forgotten that they did and are talking about finding the crash site again?
Khoury calls Lyra on her Pokegear, who calls out Marill and has Khoury confirm their position by her Marill and his Totodile using Water Gun into the air, allowing them to sort out where the others are. By following Staraptor, the boys track down James and Meowth, while the girls are able to come out on the other side and surround them. James tries to fight his way out by using Carnivine, and promptly gets wrapped up and bitten on the head. Luckily for him, Khoury takes the opportunity to check out Carnivine with his Pokedex, allowing James to focus its attention and get it to blast down Bullet Seed on them.
Unfortunately though, Totodile takes this time to delightedly steal the egg back!
With the egg saved, the way is clear for the twerps to absolutely blast the fuck out of James, Meowth and Carnivine to the point of overkill, sending them blasting off again. As the twerps celebrate their attempted murder, James and Meowth crash into the ground, Carnivine knocked right the fuck out (this is important!). Jesse emerges from the bushes, telling them the last time she was this terrified she couldn't get her hair and nails done. The jokes die though when the bushes rustle and then a furious, enraged, horny Ursaring appears, followed by another, and another, and another.... and Carnivine is knocked out and unable to help.
Oh well, a little brutal gangrape never hurt anybody.
Back in the festival, Khoury's Dad is relieved that everyone is okay and everything worked out for the best (yeah... except none of the food was actually retrieved!). Lyra reveals that she is keen to take part in a Pokémon Contest herself and would like to travel with the twerps, and Khoury shows surprising backbone by saying he would like to also travel with them - Brock in particular - because he thinks he can learn to be a better Breeder that way.
The blind leading the blind, Gentle Dodgers.
The twerps are happy enough to have a girl who can't remember Dawn's name and a weedy little fuck along dragging them down, and then the Cyndaquil Coloured egg begins to glow strongly and they realise it is already time. Removing the canister, they watch as the egg glows white and then reveals a kicking infant.... Cyndaquil!
OH MY GOD IT WAS A CYNDAQUIL!
Dawn picks the little scrambling baby up in her arms and prepares to say hello... and experiences her first baby "spit-up"!
Everyone bursts out laughing at Dawn suffering second degree burns to the face, and that's that, the episode is over, we have a new Pokémon and two new travelling companions! It won't last long though, some things are permanent, like Brock being a virgin and Khoury never, never, never, ever standing a chance of getting into Lyra's pants.
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An Egg Scramble mini Episode Guide (Read 2320 times)
